Top 10 Most Inappropriate Wedding First Dance Songs

So, chaps, you’ve been given the responsibility of selecting the band and picking the first dance song – so we wanted to share some of the strangest choices we’ve witnessed. Here are a selection of the 10 most inappropriate choices…

Mika – Big Girls

” You take your girl
And multiply her by four
Now a whole lot of woman
Needs a whole lot more”

So your new wife has spent the last 6 months on a diet consisting of green leaf salads and slim fast shakes in an attempt to fit into her wedding dress that she ordered 3 sizes too small. Why not rub in the fact that she didn’t quite manage it and ended up paying another £300 getting the dress altered by telling her that you really do like her curves, in fact, they’re beautiful… bad call…

Phil Collins – Easy Lover

“For she’ll say there’s no other
Till she finds another
Better forget it
Oh you’ll regret it”

Your new life partner will be chuffed with you for bringing back memories from her youth when she was known as the ‘village bike’. Also a great way for you to bond immediately with your new father in law.

I Still Haven’t Found What I’m Looking For – U2

“But I still haven’t found
What I’m looking for”

I’m sure this is perfectly fine in the world of celebrities where marriage is simply used as a stop-gap for your career and a good chance to cash in on selling your ‘once in a lifetime’ photo’s to OK magazine. But back in the real world it’s probably not the best time to say you’re still on the lookout for greener pastures.

Don’t cha – Pussycat Dolls

“Don’t cha wish your girlfriend was hot like me?
Don’t cha wish your girlfriend was a freak like me?
Don’t cha?
Don’t cha?
Don’t cha wish your girlfriend was raw like me?
Don’t cha wish your girlfriend was fun like me?”

Well of course you do, but let’s be honest. You’ve got no chance pal.

Gold Digger – Kanye West

“She take my money when I’m in need
Yeah she’s a trifling friend indeed
Oh she’s a gold digger way over town
That dig’s on me”

Let’s be honest, you’re not funny and you’re not handsome. She’s out of your league. You know it, she knows it, and all your friends and family know it. But hey, it’s too late now and she’s going to be laughing all the way to the bank. Oh, and she’s going to keep the house and both the cars.

The Lady is a tramp – Frank Sinatra

“She loves the free fresh wind in her hair
Life without care. She’s broke but it’s oke
Hates California, it’s so cold and so damp
That’s why the lady is a tramp”

Ok, so I know the meaning of this song is actually quite nice but calling your childhood sweetheart a tramp in front of her friends and family probably isn’t going to go down too well.

Highway to Hell – AC/DC

“I’m on the highway to hell
highway to hell
im on the highway to hell
highway to hell”

At least wait for the honeymoon before damning your marriage!

S&M – Rihanna

“Cause I may be bad, but I’m perfectly good at it
Sex in the air, I don’t care, I love the smell of it
Sticks and stones may break my bones
But chains and whips excite me”

“No Gran, S&M is not the homeware shop on the retail park”

Tammy Wynette – D-I-V-O-R-C-E

“Our D-I-V-O-R-C-E becomes final today
Me and little J-O-E will be goin’ away”

So unless your name’s Britney Spears or Kim Kardashian these seven letters are probably the ones that you want to hear least mentioned on your wedding day.

Every Breath You Take – The Police

“Every move you make
Every vow you break
Every smile you fake
Every claim you stake
I’ll be watching you”

Still a very popular first dance song to this day. Unfortunately most people don’t know this isn’t a love story at all but actually a song about a crazed psycho stalker!